Sunday, November 20, 2005

Letters to a lover

To the one I call 'lover',

I can never forgive you for what you've done.. I loved you with all my heart and now you're gone. How can you leave me? How can you bear to wave me goodbye?

You've not been gone long.. I can still taste your lips on mine, I can still smell your aftershave in the air, I can still see the clothes you've left behind but most of all, I can still feel the warmth of your body when you held me so close.. I can feel as if it's today, it's now.. it's almost as you're here with me right here, right now.

How am I suppose to survive the nights without you? How am I suppose to live my days with you so far away? How can you come only to go and leave me when I need you the most? Why is it that when you leave, you take every ounce of happiness from me? Every morsel of hope, every fragment of my sanity & every last fraction of my heart? All you've left me are feelings of desperation, desolation and complete and utter devastation..

How can you do this to me when you promised that you were going to make me happy? How can you do this when you swore you would protect me? When you vowed you'd lay your life down for me? When you pledged that you'd rather die than to see me get hurt?

How can I stop loving you this much? When will it stop hurting? How could you still say 'I love you' when you walked out of my door?

Yours,
Me

Friday, November 11, 2005

Fun stuffz

This is the latest addition to further lengthen my latest series of non-intellectually-stimulating but very colourful blog entries.. (I promise I'll write something deep and insightful soon.. It's just that I'm too braindead most of the time nowadays to do so..)

I stumbled upon Blogthings, a website which offered lots of fun quizzes and stuffz to put on your blog, just to liven it up and entertain readers, through one of my ex-schoolmate's website. (Actually I think it offers more entertainment to the blog owner itself rather than its readers.. heehee..)

The first funky quiz I did was "What's Your Funky Inner Hair Colour?"



Your Hair Should Be Red



Passionate, fiery, and sassy.

You're a total smart aleck who's got the biggest personality around.


The next interesting one I did was "What age do you act?" and surprise surprise, this is what it said!!!



You Are 25 Years Old



Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.



13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.



20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.



30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!



40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.


This next one is quite funny.. though I can't decide whether I should be insulted or otherwise.. It's the Kissing Purity Test and it said:



Your Kissing Purity Score: 71% Pure



For you, kissing isn't a casual thing



Lip to lip action makes your heart sing


And then, I did one of the quizzes and was extremely pleased with the results! It's titled "Which city do you belong in?"



You Belong in New York City



You're an energetic, ambitious woman.

And only NYC is fast enough for you.

Maybe you'll set yourself up with a killer career

Or simply take in all the city has to offer.


And apparently..



You Are Midtown



You love so many things, you don't fit into any one label.

Your city girl persona goes to a fancy restaurant one night and a dive bar the next.


Ooh, this next one is for WS, hehe.. "Are you a good girlfriend?"



You are a Great Girlfriend



When it comes to your guy, you're very thoughtful

But you also haven't stopped thinking of yourself

You're the perfect blend of independent and caring

You're a total catch - make sure your guy knows it too!



Lastly, two quizzes that helped me figure out more about myself.. yeah, right! I don't even know whether to believe this at all!!!

"How sexy is your vibe?"



Your Vibe Is Secretly Sexy



Sexy isn't exactly a word you'd use to describe yourself

But you have a quite allure that certain men feel appealing

You don't need to flaunt your stuff to be sexier

A little more confidence in yourself, and you'll really light up a room!




"Are you obssessed with your looks?"



You Are Practically Plastic



You're so beautiful that it's almost unreal

Unfortunately, you're attitude's a little unreal too

Everyone knows you're super hot - no need to remind them

You've got it going on, so stop obsessing!



Anyway, do check it out and let me know what you think or what your results show.. hahaha.. That's it for now (as if that's not enough, yeah?)!! Don't miss me too much! ;)

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

My baby boy

I recently came into possession of some beautiful photos and video clips of my lovely little cousin brother JT2 in his kindergarden concert at home.. (I stole them from my sis) His whole family had attended (i.e. my uncle, aunt and my other brother JT1) and so did my other aunt and my sis. (My dad and mum were busy somewhere else i think!)

Seen here singing in the choir. Isn't he just so cute?
Look at him smiling so happily and sweetly.. He's so beautiful!
Anyway, when I saw the photos and the video clips, I actually became somewhat teary-eyed because I was so proud of my little boy (okok, he's not technically mine...) and seeing him on a stage performing was just so incredibly overwhelming! But I also cried because I had the incredible misfortune of missing it. I was stuck over here in miserable UK and therefore, did not have this once-in-a-lifetime chance of attending my dahling JT2's concert.. (I had attended JT1's about 3 years ago and to be honest, truly enjoyed it!)
Look at him and tell me he's not the most handsome boy amongst his friends!

I guess when I saw those photos, I just felt incredibly overwhelmed with emotion because it only served as a reminder of the things that I'm missing out on not only in JT1 and 2's life, but my family in general. And since I'm going to be here for at least another few years, nothing can change and that further saddens me. I'm going to be missing out on a big chunk of my little brothers' childhood and will not be there for important milestones in their little lives.. I wish so much that I could be there for them, to experience all these important events and of course, mundane daily life, together with them.

Hopefully by now you can recognize him but here's him doing his little dance..

Unfortunately, none of that is going to happen anytime soon. And by the time I go home for good, they'll be all grown up and not so cute anymore and certainly won't be so open to me kissing/sayang-ing them everytime they walk past me. Sighh... What can I do???
He gave the closing speech at the end of the concert. Isn't he just brilliant?
(Btw, WS thinks i'm crazy as he keeps trying to remind me that my wonderful little brother is not my son!)
I have just watched the video clips again and can't help but cry.. Gosh, how i miss them both!!

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Party Weekend!!!

After much deliberation, I decided to take the weekend off and go visit WS up north (well, not exactly north, but north from where I live..) I felt that I needed to get away and take a break.. needed a breather from my all-too-familiar environment. And most of all, I really wanted to see and spend some time with WS! (Yes, it seems that I should've made this decision earlier, but was on a guilt trip for not revising as my exams are coming up soon!)

Anyway, I'm really glad that I took this trip cos' boy did I have fun!! I must say that this is probably the most fun I've ever had there!!! Well, let's see... Friday night. We went out for dinner with his coursemates, MY and gang, and it was great getting to see these ppl again. Plus the food was pretty good so the night started off well. After dinner, we decided that we'd go clubbing that night, as we were all up for a good night out and I've never actually been clubbing in that city before! (Unfortunately, there were major logistic issues but we sorted them out eventually!)

We got there early and learned that WS's juniors from uni were gonna meet us there so there was definitely going to be a big group! Woohoo!! So we drank (well, I didn't, obviously) and danced the night away.. Although the music wasn't incredible (it was RNB, I'm a cheese fan!) and therefore, I don't think I danced to my full potential (haha!), it was still enjoyable and I had a good time. Moreover, it was my first clubbing trip with WS so it was a new experience, alright! (No, no, we didn't do the sexy dance thing.. don't think we're THAT much of a PDA couple! haha..)

Even though we had a great time at the club, the night, unfortunately for us, didn't end very well.. We couldn't get a cab home so ended up waiting 2 hours in the rain. I guess that was the only drawback.. Plus side? We got to experience our own little adventure and got to know the juniors a lot better! Haha.. (P/s: Sorry I don't have any pictures of us at the club, we're really not the kind of people who bring cameras to take photos of ourselves in a club.. hello?? lame much??!!)

Come Saturday we were all shattered... but we were still determined to have a fun day. WS and I went to watch Elizabethtown (WITH ORLANDO BLOOM!!!!!) and though it wasn't exactly Best-Picture-at-the-Oscar's material, it was nice to get to spend some quality time with each other. (Thanks, PY!!!)

I guess the HIGHLIGHT of our weekend was Bonfire Night! Every 5th of November, since 1605, England has celebrated Bonfire Night with (d'oh!) blazing bonfires, shows of fireworks and of course, the ornamental burning of Guy Fawkes' effigies across the country. Whether you want to take it as a celebration for the safety and sanctity of the crown, or the complete opposite, I believe that it's still a great excuse for a great night out!

So, on Saturday night, we (me, WS, PY and CC) went to Heaton Park to join in the festivities. There was a half a mile hike in complete darkness, further amplifying the spookiness of this whole holiday, but the light at the end of the tunnel was certainly worth it! There was a big funfair - with lots of exhilirating rides and yummy funfair food - and we took it all in! It was fabulous!!!


Of course, the highlight of the trip was supposed to be the big bonfire and the fireworks show.. Unfortunately, we missed most of the fireworks show so I guess everyone was kinda disappointed. (WS didn't miss it, though, so he was all-excited!) The big bonfire however, was every bit as impressive as it promised to be! It was hugeeee and standing next to it on a cold, drizzly night, was soooo comfortable! Our very own natural heater! Heehee.. We stood there in the cold, under one umbrella and as unpleasant as it sounds, we really got a chance to bond with each other! (Yea yea, cheesy.. I know.. I'll stop now!)



Ooh, lemme take this opportunity to introduce you to the photographer of these fabulous photos shown here. This is CC, a senior of WS's whom I recently met and more importantly, whom I recently discovered that I was related to!! Cool huh? Our grandparents came from the same tiny island (and possibly village?) in China so we're most certainly related. Ok, so it's gonna be distantly-related but related nevertheless! I was so excited when I first found out - I have a 2nd/3rd cousin in the UK!!! Hehe.. He's a real cool guy too and we all enjoy hanging out with him.. :) I'm glad I get along quite well with him and able to have earned his trust. Most of all, he 'entertains' me when I get in my crazy cousin mood so all in all, great fun!


Ooh, I managed to convince all 3 of them to go on this super-crazy ride at the funfair. (Yes, I took these photos with CC's great big professional camera. Not bad huh, for an absolute amateur? ;) ) Anyway, it was so scary but fun at the same time watching them scream and shout on the ride.. It certainly got their adrenaline pumping so everyone was really high and happy afterwards! Heehee..


All in all, it was a great night.. and most important of all, I finally got my annual toffee apple!!!

So although I had to come home tonight and leave my darling behind, I'm glad that I went and had a great time this weekend. Sighh.. now it's back to the books. Or rather, it's time to start!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Success!!!

Today is the first time in 3 weeks that I felt worthy of the X number of pounds being paid to me an hour by my employer.. Why? Well, cos' today is the first time in 3 weeks that I managed to secure 4 donations myself!!! Ok ok, so this entry is not going to be the most interesting nor intellectually-stimulating, but it sure is gonna be one of those 'philosophical' or 'thinking/pondering on life's worth' entries. Besides, I'm really proud of myself today and want to share it with the whole world!!!

I'm doing this job part-time (it's easy money! well, relatively anyway.. no manual labour so that's quite good!) and to be honest, I'm discovering that it's not as easy as it seems.. Sometimes I do wonder if I'm even right for this position to begin with, but thinking back on how my bosses told us that there were only 8 people chosen out of 50 over applicants, and they must be right (hehe), I always feel suitably-qualified and much better!

Anyhow, since I've started working, I have been experiencing rejection after rejection and though I didn't take it personally at all (some of them were really mean!), I couldn't help but feel a little down.. But all that changed today. Some of us were given a different list - a better list - and voila, I nailed it!!! Boy, am I happy! I'm feeling super-charged and great right now!! In fact, my first call of the night was a success and so, I couldn't help continuing the shift with so much energy and a humongous smile on my face!!

So I got to thinking... this whole job thing of mine reminded me greatly of life itself and how important our outlook on life was. For 3 weeks, I experienced nothing but 'failures' and although I knew they weren't rejecting me per se, I could not help but feel weighed down by the rejection. Fortunately, I managed to bounce back every time (well, almost, anyway..) and kept on trying.

I guess that's life, isn't it.. We might experience multiple failures over a short space of time and no matter how hard we think things are, the key thing is to persist and plod on. To take it in stride, swallow our pride and just be a bride? Haha... just kidding, was trying to rhyme there.. But yeah, we should never give up and always try out best. Unfortunately, that's easier said than done and I've done my fair share of giving up. (Well, that's a different story so guess I'll leave it til' next time..) All you need is one success to get the ball rolling and before you know it, *bam* you've got a string of victories tailing right behind you!

Anyway, my advice to myself and whoever'll take it is this: Be brave, stand up to failure and disappointment and keep trying!