He knows my name!!!

Just a quick note as my obssession deepens... HE KNOWS MY NAME!!

Ok, so I always thought he probably had a clue to what my name was, or maybe that he's heard it before but isn't really bothered.. but today in clinic, I was in the room with him and the patient, when he said, "Jean, could you help me please etc etc etc". I almost jumped for joy right there and then but obviously didn't.. teehee..

Just one morning around him is good enough for me really.. especially since this morning alone, I've discovered even more things about him.. well, the most important being he sleeps with his wife in the same room so their relationship isn't going downhill (rats!), I found out his little boy's name and how old he was.. in fact, I was chit-chatting with him (yet again!) about animation and cartoons that were good etc cos' his son absolutely loves them!

Sighh.. what a great day.. Never mind that I got berated by my own consultant for nervous laughter at 8.30 in the morning.. I'm looking at the positive things in my life now..

And the obsession continues..

If this is not a sign, I sure as hell don't know what is...

There has always been an age-old debate as to whether things like fate and destiny truly exist.. different cultures, religions and beliefs will ultimately be the thing that influences you one way or the other. Regardless of what you actually believe, one cannot deny that there are things beyond your control and that there exist forces (be that God, mother nature or whatever) that are far more powerful than you.

Fate is generally described as an event, or course of events, that will inevitably happen in the future. That means, it can't be changed - not by us, not by circumstances - it is predetermined and pretty much, set in stone. We, as Buddhists, do not believe in this, as we hold true to the law of Kamma, the law of cause and effect. I shan't turn this into a preaching session, so to sum it up, it's pretty much the belief that everything we do is an effect of a previous cause, and a cause to a future effect. (If anyone's interested, you're welcomed to come talk to me personally about this, I'm all for sharing and preaching Buddhism to those who welcome it!)

Therefore, everything that happens to us (well, almost, anyway), happens for a reason. Good things, bad things, neutral things, whatever it is, is of purpose and consequence to us. As to what that may be, is open for interpretation.. And hence, I have decided to interpret the course of today's events to my advantage, of course. Let me explain.. ('tis a long story, but it shall be worth it!)

I'm currently doing my Obstetrics & Gynaecology attachment, and as I'm part of a big firm, I alternate between obstetrics and gynaecology every 2 weeks. Today marks the beginning of my final obstetrics '2-weeks'. Unfortunately for me, the consultants in my obs firm are notorious for torturing students and expects us to go in on Sundays to talk to patients, in preparation for the ward round on Monday at 8 am. So, the 3 of us had to go in today.

Unfortunately for me, one of my firm-mates was not coming in tomorrow as he had a prior engagement. And at the very last-minute, my other firm-mate told me he was too ill to come in, hence it was just me. I was whining all about it to my parents, aunt & WS on the phone today cos' that meant that I had to single-handedly clerk all the patients and present them at tomorrow's ward round all alone.

My aunt and WS tried to cheer me up that perhaps I may bump into my current crush/obssession, the consultant I was telling you about the other day. (You can read it here if you'd like to refresh your memory) For simplicity purposes, let's call him X. They were purely trying to cheer me up so that I wouldn't be so annoyed about going into hospital on a Sunday afternoon all by myself. I scoffed in their face, laughing out loud that consultants usually don't work on a Sunday, even if they were on call. I was convinced that this was not going to happen.

You can pretty much guess where this story's going.. I turned up on the ward and went along doing what I needed to. I was sitting there, minding my own business, when suddenly, I looked up, and to my complete surprise (and delight!), there he was!!! the handsome X, standing right before me, smiling at me.

I couldn't believe my luck! I was quite shocked I'm sure my surprise must have shown on my face.. But it didn't matter, the fact was, X was here! With me!! On the ward!!! :) After he did what he needed to do (he's on-call this weekend, that means he needs to come in for emergencies or whatever when he gets paged) I got to chit-chatting with him and found out quite a lot about him.. (more to add to my memory bank about him!) and it was sooooo nice! I was absolutely delirious!!!

The one thing I found out that further strengthened my belief that this was a very good sign was the fact that he told me that he only needed to be on-call once every 7 weekends. That means, in my whole 10-week O & G attachment, this was the only time which he would be on-call. I couldn't believe my luck (we'll call it luck, but it's good kamma to me)!!! Of all the coincidences in the world, the most wonderful one happened to me!!! (Plus the fact that I didn't have my fellow firm-mates there who would snicker & disturb my one-on-one with him, this is definitely 'fate'!)

I've never experienced this before.. Having loads of experience with my previous crushes, I've always hoped, prayed and wished that I'll bump into them somewhere, somehow.. whenever I left home, essentially.. Never had any of my wishes ever come true! Never had any of my prayers be answered!!

Yes, as you can see, I'm still totally, completely crazy about X.. he's amazing, really.. He's so incredibly nice, sweet and friendly and I absolutely love it when he smiles.. his whole face lights up and his eyes sparkle with delight! He's such a great teacher as well, and I've got all my fellow students to back me up on this.. He's so good because he engages everyone when he speaks and since I always sit smack in the middle of his field of vision, I get a lot of eye-contact and engaging when he teaches us! Heehee.. calculated actions, I tell u! (Plus, he has the most beautiful blue eyes that are brought out so beautifully when he wears his light blue shirts!)

I have found out so many things about him lately that I'm beginning to think I know him a little better than the rest.. No, I'm not stalking him, but everything I know about him, most of it is because it was straight from the horses mouth! (Except where he did his postgrad degree and his middle name, that, I googled! haha..) As you can imagine, I pay quite a bit of attention to him when he's around, and hence, I remember small little things about him when he tells us stuff. U know how when u talk, u sometimes just drop little things here and there about your life and stuff? Well, I pick those up with him and store them in my memory, helping to create a more whole picture of X. (Ooh, some of my friends feed me info about him that they've picked up from him too) The only thing I don't like about him is the fact that he has a wife. (a lawyer) Other than that, I love that he likes toffee doughnuts, he lives in ___ and just bought a house in ___, his son is soooo incredibly cute and he loves to bring him to the park and well, I think I'll stop there.. haha..

So yes, I believe that today's events is definitely a sign.. Personally, I believe that it's a sign that we're meant to be together.. that we'll fall crazily in love and live happily ever after.. that this love story was written in the stars.. but that's just me..

V-day's here!!

It's that time of the year again... flowers, chocolates, candy, jewellery, fancy dinner dates and of course, promises you can't actually keep.. Anyhow, this has always been one of my favourite holidays and will, I hope, always be so..

14th of February - the day we celebrate Saint Valentine.. I think it's one of the most wonderful days in the year because it's the one day in which we fully devote ourselves to the celebration of love, in all its glorious forms.. We pay tribute to love and all that it represents.. We honour love and all that it means to us..

Today, we not only celebrate the love we share with a partner, but the love we share with our family, our friends and all of our loved ones.. Of course, ideally, we should be celebrating the love we share with every day and try to fully appreciate them whilst we still can, but unfortunately, this doesn't happen in reality. Therefore, I personally think it's wonderful that we have (at least) one special day a year where we have no excuse.. like it or not, we're forced to commemorate the extraordinary people who have blessed our lives with joy and happiness and honestly, that's not a bad thing at all..

No, no, I'm not only saying this cos' I have a bf and someone special to spend Valentine's with.. in fact, I don't, really.. especially not since WS is back in Malaysia enjoying his elective/holiday.. and especially not since I'm actually a bit p****d off at him about something.. so no, personally, no one's asked me to be their Valentine yet (and frankly, not going to happen anytime soon) and all I have to accompany me on Valentine's is well, the tv really.. (To be completely honest, my ideal Valentine's this year is to spend it with my amazing consultant.. Sigghh.... I dreamt about him last night, u know? ;) )

Anyway, I digress. (As usual..) What I find most sad is how cynical people have become.. I spoke to about 5-6 people about Valentine's Day this year and all of them said that they absolutely hated it.. they found it disgusting and revolting that this sacred day has been turned into a whole commercialised thing and it's become just a day for Hallmark and all such companies to capitalise on people's feelings/emotions and rob people of their hard-earned cash.. Now now, these people aren't the bitter, single ones who have no dates on Valentine's and therefore see the need to protect their ego/pride.. No no, these are people who have boyfriends all ready to spoil them on this special day with fancy dinners and pretty presents..

I guess that's what saddens me the most.. the fact that Hallmark and its fellow companies alike have turned people everywhere into Valentine's cynics.. They have effectively killed this wonderful holiday.. I guess it really doesn't help that all the prices of flowers, chocolates etc are hiked up on (and leading up to) Valentine's Day.. plus all the restaurants are charging at least double for their exclusive 'Valentine's Day set menus' for pretty much the exact same thing they serve on a day-to-day basis.. It's no wonder so many people have turned their backs on this special day..

My plea to all you Valentine's cynics out there.. and in fact, to everyone really.. Don't let anyone or any coorperation rob us of the true meaning behind Valentine's.. It's a day to celebrate love and love only. We don't have to fall prey to their notion that love can only be celebrated with expensive gifts and fancy presents, love can be cherished and treasured in any way we want - simple, cheap, low-key, quiet or the complete opposite! The most important thing is, love is one of the most important things we'll ever have in our lives and today, we're here to honour, glorify and of course, celebrate this wonderful feeling!!!

Older, but none the wiser

I remembered almost exactly what happened on my 6th birthday... I had just returned from my music lesson, and as my dad pulled up the car into my driveway, I realised that my whole house was pitch-black. Being 6 and obviously not very bright, I didn't think much into it, maybe no one was at home. As I stepped up to the door, suddenly, I felt my eyes being covered by a piece of cloth, and I was led into my house. Surprisingly, I didn't feel scared (maybe cos' I was at home) even though I couldn't see anything and the house was dead quiet. Suddenly, the blindfold was pulled off my face and I was staring at a beautiful Barbie doll cake with 6 candles and the words "Happy Birthday Jean" sprawled across it.. I was so happy that I didn't even realise when everyone shouted surprise and sang me a birthday song as the lights came on. My family had thrown me a huge party!!!

Looking back, I am amazed by how much things have changed over the years.. I remember looking forward to my birthday every single year - mainly cos' that would mean a party, lots of presents, good food and lots of fun with my friends! As a kid, it was always fun, cos' all I had to do was play with friends and just happily receive the presents... I even got away with a little mischief once in awhile! As a teenager, having a big party was 'uncool' and it was much cooler to go hang out with friends at Subang Parade or Sunway Pyramid. And though there were much less presents (cos' all your friends would pull their money together and buy a big and better present), I'd still look forward to all the fun and surprise..

But somehow, as the years have gone by, birthdays became of less importance.. it started to mellow down, the presents got less and sometimes, there wasn't even a birthday cake. But I guess that didn't really matter cos' we were all grown up and your birthday was just another day. Personally, as I have grown older and older, I tend to dread my birthday.. I will always freak out about a month before my birthday and count the seconds as I waited helplessly for life (and not long afterwards, death) to claim me..

Today I celebrate my twenty-_____ birthday.. It's a great occassion to have fun and go out but I can't help but be reminded of how little I've achieved in these twenty ____ years. Mozart had composed his first piece at the age of 6, Jodie Foster was 8 when she first appeared in a movie, our very own Nicol David was declared World Junior Champion in squash when she was 15/16, Einstein first published his acclaimed theory of relativity when he was 26 (you get where I'm going with this) and what have I done?? Nothing. Nothing of extreme importance, nothing special to note, nothing. (I haven't even appeared on the cover of Forbes as the youngest woman to become a millionaire or something like that!)

Ah well, what can I say? Growing old is bad enough, but growing old with nothing much attributable to your name, well, that sucks.. Never mind, I've given up hope of ever achieving much in my life, especially in the career path that I have chosen (or rather, chosen me..) so instead of doing something about it, I'm just going to sit back and whine.. hehe..

Having said that, all is not lost.. I still had a great time with my friends this week.. I went out with my housemates and some good friends on Wednesday for a good dinner in Mandarin. It was a birthday cum CNY dinner and the food was goooood! :) It certainly was quite fun!

Yes, dinner at Mandarin every year!

With S, DC, KMD and N

With IL and HP

We also went out last night for dinner at Hard Rock Cafe.. yeah, it's been awhile since I've been there and I was kinda craving the good food.. hehe... It's been such a long time since we had like a proper gathering of all of us so it was definitely good to have dinner together... :)

Big reunion in Nottingham!

With JW and CK

SY and JT

With S and MN

All in all, my initially-planned quiet birthday wasn't that quiet after all... but it certainly wasn't as crazy/noisy as it had been for the past few years, guess it's the effect of growing old! I'm having a sore throat now, have been on the phone non-stop since last night.. Thanks VL for calling from Dublin and chatting for such a long time! Thanks KC for waking me up to your lovely low and sexy voice all the way from across the world! Thanks to all my good friends here in the UK who were sweet enough to remember my birthday and send me cards/sms/msn or called me! You know who you are!! And of course, thanks to my dear WS for being such a sweetie!!!

Thank you once again to everyone who's been so great this time round.. Really appreciate it!! Hugs and kisses to you all...